When I’m hurting, I don’t want to forgive!
This week’s devotions are based on Week 3 of Stormproof – Hurricanes of Hurt (CLICK HERE)
When we are hurt by someone, the impact is real and lasting.
Especially hurts that are very personal, very emotional and very wrong.
How does one heal after abuse? An ugly divorce? A business partnership gone wrong?
It’s not easy. Professional counseling may be needed.
However, when we have been wronged in any way, but especially something very horrific, it is very hard to forgive that person.
Years after the divorce, a woman said, “After all he did to me and my children, I just can’t forgive him.”
After discussion, here are four clarifications that were helpful.
- Forgiveness does not make the horrific actions and impact of what a person did ok. To forgive someone implies that what they did was wrong and they sinned against you. It does not make what happened OK.
- Forgiveness does not mean that a person has to once again put themselves in a situation where they will be harmed. Forgiveness does not mean a person will be trusted again.
- Forgiveness does not mean the impact is gone. Forgiving one who wronged you doesn’t mean the effect of that action disappears. The divorce is still real. The emotional scars don’t fully disappear.
- Forgiveness does not mean that one forgets. So often the phrase is said, “You have to forgive and forget.” Forgiveness is not like a reformatting of one’s brain so that you can’t remember anything that happened. The memories don’t go away.
- Forgiveness does not mean that one might still pursue legal action. One may choose not to, however inviting the legal system to adjudicate a wrong may still be pursued.
So what is forgiveness and why forgive those who have hurt you.
- Forgiveness gives up the right to get even. When we are hurt, our natural response is to have the person who hurt us hurt more. Forgiveness frees our heart to allow the judicial system and/or the Lord to handle the justice. Romans 12:19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
- Forgiveness of others reflects the forgiveness we have been given by Jesus. As we pray in the Lord’s Prayer, “Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.” When we forgive others, we reflect the fact God is no longer going to seek vengeance for our sin. He has done that in his Son Jesus.
- Forgiveness releases my heart from anger, rage, and bitterness. Forgiveness allows my heart to be free from carrying the emotional heaviness of getting even. Ephesians 4:31-32 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
The Christian is not immune from hurt, sometimes very serious hurts. Yet, one of the great blessings of being a Christian is we live in the personal forgiveness the Lord gives. He doesn’t keep a record of our hurts/sins toward him. As a result, we can take the same forgiveness we have received and share it with others who have hurt us…as hard as that can sometimes be.
Psalm 130:3 If you, Lord, kept a record of sins,
Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness,
so that we can, with reverence, serve you.
Apply: Forgiveness can be hard. Ask the Lord to work in you the ability to forgive someone who has wronged you. If you know someone struggling to forgive and this devotion was helpful, forward it on to them!
Prayer: Lord, forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us. AMEN.
When I’m hurting, I just want someone to listen!
This week’s devotions are based on Week 3 of Stormproof – Hurricanes of Hurt (CLICK HERE)
When we are hurting inside, we often suffer in silence. Especially if your personality is one that tends to be an internal processor. As one person put it, we can often take our hurts and treat them like a trash compactor. A hurt goes in…we smash it down. Another hurt goes in…we smash it down…until we can’t anymore.
As we suffer in silence, the burden becomes heavier and the hopelessness becomes greater. We may generate the narrative that no one cares and that really we might be the cause of hurt and want to end our lives. (Suicide is a permanent fix to a temporary problem. To be sure, if you are having suicidal thoughts…please seek help!)
So where do we turn before it gets too late?
The psalmist says this: “In your hurt, cry out to the Lord!”
Psalm 130:1 Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD;
2 O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy.
When it seems like no one will listen, the LORD will.
When it seems like no one cares, the Lord does.
Did you notice the first reference to LORD is all capital letters? This name for God is the reference to the “I AM” God who is always present and always faithful. It’s just the one who we want to be available to listen to us. We want someone who is not too busy, but is always ready to listen and share his faithfulness with us.
The second reference to “Lord” is capitalized, but followed with lowercase “ord.” This is the name for God, “Adonai,” a name for God that refers to his “lordship” and power. He is over all and to him all must submit. So when I cry out to the Lord, its a confidence he can do something about it. Perhaps our hurt is calling for restoration or healing. The Lord can do something about it.
While we cry out to the same God, the psalmists points us to his faithfulness and power to heart and answer our cry for help.
Did you notice the place from which the cry originated? “Out of the depths…” In the Hebrew culture a word “Sheol” was used for hell. This word indicates a depth just short of Sheol. It’s a deep pit, emotionally and spiritually, yet still within the earshot of the LORD, the Lord.
Yes, as brothers and sisters in Christ we want to be available to others to listen when they are hurting. It’s a reminder that the business of our day can often crowd out a ministry opportunity to listen to a hurting heart.
And it’s a great reminder that in the middle of our hurt we can cry out to the Lord…and he will listen.
David knew that:
Psalm 86:6 Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my cry for mercy. 7 In the day of my trouble I will call to you, for you will answer me.
Jesus invited it:
Matthew 11:28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
We get to do it.
Apply: What hurts are on your heart this morning? Take time to “cry out to the LORD’ with them. Let him know the depths of your hurt and your confidence he can do something about it.
Prayer: Out of the depths I cry to you o LORD, O Lord, hear my voice.
Hurts need healing.
This week’s devotions are based on Week 3 of Stormproof – Hurricanes of Hurt (CLICK HERE)
Hurts take time to heal.
Western North Carolina are continuing to rebuild from the destruction of Hurricane Helene. Floridians are cleaning up and returning life to normal after the devastation of Hurricane Milton. For some the loss is tremendous and the task of rebuilding seems overwhelming. For others, the return to normalcy was more efficient.
Hurricanes are somewhat predictable and many can take precautions to protect their property and lives. However, sometimes the prediction is wrong and one can be caught unprepared. Regardless if you are prepared or not, at times the impact is felt for a long time after the storm.
So it is with hurts.
Regardless of whether you saw the hurts coming or they completely caught you off guard, the ramifications of the hurt linger for longer than one would expect or like.
Hurts come in various forms, but different from a tragedy where one experiences sudden loss of property or people, hurts are those things that affect us internally. Hurts can come from mean words that were spoken to you. Hurts can come because you were mistreated and abused. Hurts can come when one is taken advantage of. Hurts can come when you are laid off of your job unexpectedly. Hurts can come when I think God hasn’t been fair. The list will go on.
Hurts can last a long time. I still remember what a classmate did to me in gradeschool. We ended up getting along, but that memory of a bit of bullying lingers.
Hurts drain our spirit and our emotions. Hurts can be very heavy and lead us to do rash things to avoid the hurt. Addictions come from hurts. Depression comes from hurt. Yes, even suicide is a decsion some make to avoid the hurt.
Is this the answer? No. Not at all.
So what is?
Where do I turn when I am hurting inside?
The book of Psalms in the Bible is filled with the words of God’s people who are hurting. They question God. They cry out to God. They wish God to act and more. The Psalms are a great place to turn when you are hurting. This week we will turn to Psalm 130 which is labeled “A song of ascents.” This psalm was used by worshippers as they traveled up to Jerusalem to worship the LORD, carrying with them the hurts to the Lord to be healed. This morning enjoy reflecting on the whole Psalm. The next days of the week we will look at the verses more carefully so we can find the hope God desires amidst the hurt we experience inside.
1 Out of the depths I cry to you, Lord;
2 Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.
3 If you, Lord, kept a record of sins,
Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness,
so that we can, with reverence, serve you.
5 I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits,
and in his word I put my hope.
6 I wait for the Lord
more than watchmen wait for the morning,
more than watchmen wait for the morning.
7 Israel, put your hope in the Lord,
for with the Lord is unfailing love
and with him is full redemption.
8 He himself will redeem Israel
from all their sins.
Apply: What thoughts strike you from Psalm 130 to help deal with the hurts of life?
Prayer: Lord, into our hurts we ask you to bring hope and healing. AMEN.
Tragedies turn us back to the Lord!
This week’s devotions are based on Week 2 of Stormproof – Tornadoes of Tragedy (CLICK HERE)
Perhaps the greatest intended benefit of tragedies in life is it exposes our weakness and leads us to rely on the Lord’s strength.
At least that’s the greatest blessing that it can bring.
The pages of Scripture are not devoid of tragedies. Tragedies are a reality in a world broken by sin. However, in the midst of tragedy, we see God’s people turning to the Lord. Let’s wrap up the week with a few of these examples that might encourage you when tragedy strikes personally or you can share with people you know experiencing tragedy.
Psalm 59:16 But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love; for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble. 17 O my Strength, I sing praise to you; you, O God, are my fortress, my loving God.
Like a child running to a parent for protection, so we as God’s children can run to the Lord for protection and strength in times of trouble. With the image of an imposing castle fortress, the psalmist reminds us that the arms of our Savior are the safest place to be when trouble and tragedy strike.
Tragedy has lingering after effects. Property can perhaps be rebuilt faster than our hearts. When we experience trauma and loss of loved ones, the hurt lingers. Emotions move from shock to sadness to dejection or depression. Joy is faint and sorrow is great. We may see more darkness in our days than light. We wouldn’t be alone. Again the psalmist writes in Psalm 40:1-3:
“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.”
In the aftermath of tragedy it may seem like your prayers go unheard and your heart unhealed. It may seem like God has forsaken you and doesn’t care for you. But that is not the case. He is in the pit with you.
To digress a moment…I have run in a few Tough Mudder races. It doesn’t get it’s name without reason. There are obstacles that you are in a muddy pit. To be sure, the only way you get through that obstacle is to have someone outside the muddy pit pull you out. Without help, you keep sliding back down into the pit. I don’t think the psalmist ran a Tough Mudder, but the heavy emotions of loss feel like a pit we can’t get out of …until the Lord pulls us out and sets us on solid ground. From outside the pit, we see a new perspective on life and the future ahead. The Lord puts a new spirit in our heart and a new song on our lips and joy returns and the darkness is overcome by the light of God’s presence, promises, and power.
For the Christian, the greatest perspective that guides us through tragedy is the promise of heaven. What we might perceive as the greatest possible tragedy, death, is really the entry point to experience the paradise of heaven promised to us through Jesus. So, when you really think about it, the ultimate answer to tragedy is the eternal joys of heaven won for us through the life, death and resurrection of Jesus.
Revelation 7:13 Then one of the elders asked me, “These in white robes—who are they, and where did they come from?” 14 I answered, “Sir, you know.” And he said, “These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. 15 Therefore,
“they are before the throne of God
and serve him day and night in his temple;
and he who sits on the throne will shelter them with his presence.
16 ‘Never again will they hunger; never again will they thirst.
The sun will not beat down on them,’ nor any scorching heat.
17 For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd;
‘he will lead them to springs of living water.’[b]
‘And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.’[c]”
Tragedy does rock our world and challenge our faith, but my prayer is that when tragedy strikes, it leads us closer to our Savior and keeps us longing with hope for life in heaven.
Apply: What promises of God have helped you navigate tragedy and loss in your life?
Prayer: Lord, thank you for securing heaven for me through the tragedy of the crucifixion of your Son. Keep me close to you always, but especially in time of tragedy and loss. AMEN.
Tragedies expose our hearts!
This week’s devotions are based on Week 2 of Stormproof – Tornadoes of Tragedy (CLICK HERE)
As a parent, you made sure to take things away from your child that were harmful or potentially harmful to them.
If you saw them with matches or a lighter…nope. They can’t have that.
If they somehow got ahold of a bottle of cleaner…swipe that away quickly!
At times after you take away a harmful thing, you child has a fit. They cry and scream and make a prolonged fuss. If they are old enough to articulate their thoughts they might even say, “I hate you!” (Maybe this is older when you take the car or phone away from them!)
In the moment your child has no ability to see the blessing in you taking away that item. They were convinced that they should have that item and to have it taken away was the worst thing in the world and you as a parent were to blame.
Is it possible that tragedy might be one of God’s ways to take away from us something that was going to be harmful to us?
Read this parable Jesus told before you answer…
Luke 12:13 A man in the crowd said to Jesus, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide with me the property our father left us.”
14 Jesus answered him, “Friend, who gave me the right to judge or to divide the property between you two?” 15 And he went on to say to them all, “Watch out and guard yourselves from every kind of greed; because your true life is not made up of the things you own, no matter how rich you may be.”
16 Then Jesus told them this parable: “There was once a rich man who had land which bore good crops. 17 He began to think to himself, ‘I don’t have a place to keep all my crops. What can I do? 18 This is what I will do,’ he told himself; ‘I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, where I will store the grain and all my other goods. 19 Then I will say to myself, Lucky man! You have all the good things you need for many years. Take life easy, eat, drink, and enjoy yourself!’ 20 But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night you will have to give up your life; then who will get all these things you have kept for yourself?’”
21 And Jesus concluded, “This is how it is with those who pile up riches for themselves but are not rich in God’s sight.”
Could it be that tragedies sometimes remove the idols in our lives? Could it be that the only way God saw to prevent eternal tragedy was to remove an earthly idol?
It’s hard to always understand the mind and motives of the Lord and exactly what he is up to. However, one thing is certain. He wants us in heaven and wants nothing to get in the way.
If I lose my job unexpectedly…is it possible that job was taking way too much time away from the Lord?
If I lose a significant piece of my property (home, business, etc.) is it possible that that item was security I was relying on instead of the Lord?
If I lose a loved one, is it possible that person was more important than the Lord in my heart?
To be sure, I don’t know…but it’s worth reflecting on.
If someone or something is first in our heart, it’s an idol.
Idols replace our love for God and maybe God is removing the idol in our heart to lead us back to him.
Tragedies do expose our hearts…but it’s not to turn them from the Lord, but to return them to him.
Apply: Have you experienced a tragedy? How has God used it to turn you back to him?
Prayer: Lord, thank you for loving me enough to remove things in my heart and life that get in the way of my relationship to you. Keep my love for you always first in my life. AMEN.